hey..hmm..i'm back again. so much to say , so many thoughts , so true. i'm full of : hope and fears- happy and tears-good and bad.lately, so many things happened and i find it very intresting , amusing and at the same time sad. - went back to JB last few weeks and jumpa my nenek. she's very2 sick and the saddest part was this : i can't really understand what she's saying and at one point she said sumthin to me for which i can't really understand and she asked me to leave her alone , nak tidur katanya sambil menangis. im close with my nenek , very2 close and it's bugging me inside , until now. apa dia kata? was it good? bad? apa? apa?apa? apa?!!- membersihkan najis merupakan satu perkara yg agak jijik jika kita ertikannya secara literal. tetapi , adalah lagi jijik sekiranya kita membersihkan najis org lain. itulah kerja aku. kesalahan pihak lain menjadikan diriku ini terlalu geram dan ia membuatkan pihak2 lain memandang rendah terhadap kebolehanku. aku bukannya seorang manusia yg mudah berputus asa, cuma kurang sokongan moral. terus terang aku mengatakan bahawa kebencian aku terhadap cha ya nun alif membuak2! mereka tidak akan memberi sokongan terhadap org2 seperti kita. kita lemah. kita bodoh. kita tidak berpengalaman. aku perlukan sokongan , i really do. but right now, org2 yg aku martabatkan sebagai sifu telah pun berpindah ke tpt lain. alasan? cha ya nu alif mmg gampang. org2 yg ada sekarang hanyalah sekadar melepaskan batuk ditangga. mementingkan diri sendiri. - well , at least my fam's r doing ok. both of them r lonely coz my sis dah takde kat rumah. hmmm..incoming 4th child? ahhaha..rilek aah mama, abah. jgn marah ye. gurau je. tp kalau mampu , apa salahnya? manalah tau , dpt adik lelaki..hehehe. hmm..i wonder what would my life be like if i have a brother? not that i dun like my sisters ke ape ke..i love them so much. but jz a thought. syed khalid kut nama dia?-
lately, i noticed that i've changed..in terms of my values.. i used to have this laid back attitude..bla bla so on and so forth. but now, i'm not so laid-back sgt. procastination and complecent was there..inside of me back then. but not now. it's a good thing actually , for me. due to few incidents that has happened , i view certain things differently now. it thought me well, matured. i'm sorry to all of my friends if i'm being cold whatsoever. its just that i need to recharge myself coz i'm not syed/botak/ed/khaliz/arab yg dulu. hope people around me understands and kalau ada sesiapa yg kecik hati, maaflah. sooner or later its gonna happen. i'm gonna changed, no matter what. im not getting any younger.- things are goin fine between me and her. no doubt it's bumpy ( mcm2 berlaku!), but i'm glad we're still together. i noticed that our feelings towards each other is getting stronger and stronger. she's the " push that makes me move". we learned a lot about each other. despite all the complicated "ness" , we're still standing and hugging. when i look at the stars, i imagine how difficult it is to reach it , how bright it is . who am i to blabber about stars anyway? im no astrologist.. just an arjuna yg telah pun berjumpa dgn cintanya. pretty ol' skool huh? well, that's me.
- a bit dissapointed with my company. applied for vacancy at other dept, but i was shocked, sad , dissapointed and mad coz my applications tak dihantar langsung to the dept yg aku nak tuh! i was told by my boss that he will recommend my transfer and he will send it. but nooo..i dun mind bout my slim chances goin there. but to know the fact that it wasn't submitted , pretty much de'motivated to work. i'm not blaming my boss. maybe my letter was misplaced by sum1 at HR, dun know..anything can happened. dah bukan rezeki..
with the lights out , ciao!
